birthday today in Lisbon four years of life, therefore a moment when I should draw conclusions, but I can not think of anything in particular. the mere fact that it is anniversary saddens me automatically (the same uncomfortable feeling that I have on my birthday).
in general I feel that little has changed in me than in previous years, the feeling is that it does not feel fully included in this "new" (now + not much) and actually I never will be that much. the space of knowledge and links with the local scene remains limited and this is making me temperamentally a bear. linguistic progress was not there. level, for someone who has been here for four years, is quite low. being immediately recognized as foreign and often I inhibit means that I prefer to avoid the communication (which certainly does not facilitate the socialization).
declining passion for the work, be employed by a government entity so bureaucratic and leveling negates any simola person all that you might have to do something good.
often I realize I + live in nostalgia of what I have left rather than what I'm building here, but go back (or change destination) would be impossible and would not be the solution, now I've made investments in professional and residential I can not not complete and, knowing me, I know that live here, or anywhere else to go back to always present the same kind of dissatisfaction (which is inherent in me and tied to the place where I live).
however, slowly, I seem to be improving, rethink the reasons that led me here I do not cause any more suffering, all in vivo more detached and lucid.
Well, sorry for the outburst. tonight I drink a few drinks to kill the gloom and then everything goes. I will not bore you for a bit more '. a year, most likely, I will feel the need to write the same things (but I could not write and go directly to the glass).
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